It’s my husband’s birthday and I can’t blame him for taking the day off. I made him his favorite - carrot cake and cooked him an excellent dinner. It was a great day! I love that man! I’m posting this on his laptop and his “w” is broken and posting here is a pain! I have to paste all “ w’s” in. So you won’t be seeing and capital “w”’s. :-D
My oldest - the daughter that is graduating from high school, in June decided she needs to move about 2.5 hours from our home to attend a junior college thirty miles away from there. She has a big whooping $500 saved up and several thousand in a savings account, that’s not hers until she turns 18 in November. At this point I’ve told her my college financial package is living at home with room and board which is worth approximately $700 bucks a month in my area. She also has the option of living with my mother for free and attending a more “popular” college. I know I should have planned this out better but I also know that no one helped me out with college. I just want to add that she turns 18 in November 08, and I rarely regulate on her, unless she’s completely out of line.
Does this make me a bad parent? I sure don’t think so, although others may say different. At this point, her expectations are beyond what I’m willing to do, while her friends parent’s are mortgaging their homes to pay for their children’s education - remember it’s not a guarantee, it’s gamble, a roll of the dice, and I still have 3 more kids to follow I’m thinking my children’s education should be paid by them, not me, at this point we need too look out for my husband’s retirement. Call me nuts, I really don’t care.
My oldest has way too much “party” in her and the fact that she’s not willing to take her great grandma’s bedroom furniture - with her to her new apartment because she doesn’t trust herself or her friends, means I’m not willing to cosign, besides, realistically, it’s not like I even afford to cosign especially knowing that SHE can’t afford her rent and living expenses, let alone college.
I’ve been accused of “ruining her life” and “not caring about her education”. I’m so over that… Sure it hurts but if she really cared that much, she would have earned the grades to go the college she wanted to attend and maybe would have saved some of the $8,700+ she earned last year. Just a thought.
My oldest has known for a good year that I want to see a budget and see exactly what she can afford to pay for rent. Despite this knowledge she flat out refuses to make a budget. So what am I making of this??? I’m really not sure but I know I’m not willing to get caught up in the financial mess. I do know that she is not wanting to attend our local JC that is only 15 minutes away from our house because, “no one goes to that JC”. The horror of actually getting the classes you need and maybe graduating on time!
Okay, rant over, I hope everyone has a FABULOUS weekend!!!
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Christy 05.03.08 at 5:39 am
My senior year of high school, I knew my parents were unable to pay for college. They gave me until the summer after I graduated to make a decision: Go to college under my own dollar or join the Military. I am in my 11th year of military service, have 3 degrees, own two homes, and have traveled the world (for fun not deployments but I have one of those under my belt as well). I have invaluable skills to overcome anything and I have learned a few trades that will serve me well once I retire from service.
While I could have lived at home, continued to work in the grocery store and attended the local community college, I am very glad that I didn’t. My mom is a firm believer that if i had stayed home I would still be working at that same grocery store (but as a cashier now) and probably wouldn’t have seen much of the world.
I am lucky that my parents took a stand, forced me to make a decision. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I hadn’t joined the military.
Deborah 05.05.08 at 5:32 pm
My parents had five children, and we always knew that we were expected to pay our way through college. They sent us to private schools (definitely worth it, considering where we lived), and neither of my parents have college degrees.
I can say that, like Christy, my parents decision made me who I am today. I moved out when I was 19, and yes - I made mistakes. Many of them, some of which my parents didn’t know about at the time. And I’m sure it was hard for my parents to watch them. They helped with a $1000 loan for one semester when I lost my loans - but it was very clear that it was my only “get out of jail free” card. And it worked. I never needed another one.
I’m 30 years old and paying off a large amount of student loans (I went on to graduate school) - but more than 50% of that is because I decided to move out and not take advantage of their free room and board. Anytime I wanted to move home to save that money, I knew the door was open. The only thing that wasn’t an option was my parents paying for college. Was it worth the lessons I learned by living on my own?
I think so.
I don’t think you’re being too hard on your daughter.
messy 05.06.08 at 8:55 am
Christy and Deborah - Thank you both so much for the support. It means a great deal to me.
Christy - Funny that you mention working at the local grocery store, that’s where my daughter works as a courtesy clerk and becoming a cashier their is one of her nightmares.
Deborah - I’m happy it all worked out of you. It sounds like you have great parents.